Now what was I looking for?

In breaking news this morning, Indonesia’s new Communication and Information Technology Minister claimed that Indonesia has the largest number of people accessing pornographic Web sites in the world.

“To date, Indonesia has the largest number of people who access porn sites,” said Tifatul, the former head of the Islam-based Prosperous Justice Party.

Was he able to back this up? Did he have the number of Indonesian hit’s on Youporn, Red Tube, Playboy, Meatspin….emm, err, no!

This is probably because the hard (core) fact’s to substantiate this statement will not actually exist anywhere out-with his imagination.

The Jakarta Globe explained that the minister was “an avid Internet user with his own Facebook and Twitter accounts, as well as a blog” and further mentioned that “he was concerned that the Internet was being used by people in the country for little else besides accessing pornographic materials.”

The best bit was “He said this concern had prompted him to launch a campaign aimed at teaching people how to use the Internet as an online source of useful information.”

OK, despite having the crappiest connection speeds, despite the relatively low number of on-line users, (see here… Asian Internet Statistics and that is only for Asia) and even trying to back this statement using Google Trends and some very compelling “XXX” rated search terms – Indonesia rated overall extremely low in the “ porno download status table”

In fact the highest rating that Indonesia achieved was # 4th place in any of the rankings. (Extra points if anyone can answer the search category) Worth noting that Ireland gets some very high scores, along with Pakistan!

He has however raised the image in my head of the many devout people within the country performing searches for offending websites, offensive images and offensive writings just to firmly establish how bad things are in the big bad internet.

I could give them a few tips, but, I suppose half the fun is in the search itself. Happy browsing!

Bit's and Pieces....

Tuning Up....



Jamu Ladies...the Medical Backpackers (Taste at your peril)



Traditional Herbal remedies delivered to your door/



Deep Fried....Roadside Cholestorol, ready to go!



Crowded Buses...Not in this town!



Fireworks! Illegal...not in this town!

Back to the Grind!

I made a journey down to a watering hole in Kemang the other day after twelve days in Thailand. Bangkok, once marked as a city with major traffic woes is nothing compared to the traffic flow (or lack of it ) in Kemang. Despite not liking Bangkok much, it was a pleasant break from Jakarta and my “stress” levels were lowered dramatically, unfortunately only for a short while.



A brief respite was all it was! Current estimates envisage a complete gridlock within five years with EVERY road, street, thoroughfare and pavement jam packed with vehicles, all day, every day. I’m positive that the pavements carry as many motorcycles as the roads do and the ignorant fuckwits bash the horn, beeping pedestrians out of the way, even those on crutches (as I am at the moment).

Meanwhile, rather than considering ways to alleviate the problem, the city administration chose to pass a law which demanded the disabled wear signs to let motorists know their condition when crossing roads. (Which remind’s me, I now qualify, if only I knew where to get my sticker).

Not a mention of leveling footpaths, no extra bridges, no road widening and improvements, no pushing forward the Mass Rapid Transit system (MRT) no removal of older polluting vehicles, nothing sensible at all….



The Jakartan obsession with vehicle ownership has ridden roughshod over town planning and it does not appear to be headed for change anytime soon. Urban Reconstruction, Infrastructure Development, Safety…fuck it, low on the list of priorities.

Catching beggars, attempting to prosecute the “Anti Corruptors” (obviously they were getting to good at their jobs) finding ways to slow the disbursement of relief aid and money to disaster area’s, and in my mind the best, closing the cities major recreational area (a central park which houses the Monas Tower) because of kids having a quick shag in the bushes. - these are the real priorities.

Sadly, it seems that congestion is here to stay…..

This of course is not a problem for those with money. Helicopter taxi’s are a growing business and, I found out over a beer in De Hooi a few weeks ago that if you wanted to hire police motor cycle outriders to clear a path for you that this option was only a phone call (and a relatively small amount of money) away. Where there’s a wallet there’s a way!



Even the economy suffers! Recent studies have demonstrated that if the roads were better planned, if the traffic jams were reduced, if free flowing traffic could be managed, if a limit on the number of vehicles could be enforced (all big if’s I may add) then the Jakartan economy would save approximately US$ 822 million which includes less fuel consumption, less health related problems due to pollution and less downtime at work through lost man hours.

Meanwhile, it’s back to same old, same old and lashings of it. If anyone knows where I can register for my Gimp Certificate to let the motorcyclists be aware that I can only jump out of the way so fast, please drop me a message….

Springtime for Hitler in Pattaya

As I arrived in Pattaya last week I discovered that these was a bit of controversy regarding the latest “tourist attraction” .

On Sukumviht Road, a number of billboards had been erected advertising the arrival of “Loius Tussaud’s” new Waxwork museum. Featuring Bruce Lee, Michael Jackson and more memorably, Adolf Hitler, each hoarding was emblazoned with the name of the deceased and “is not dead” Bear in mind that this message was in Thai, not English.



Fair enough, but, while Bruce and Michael had no problems, old Adolf however had a storm brewing over his upraised arm. The busybodies in the world soon let everyone know exactly what the translation was and “boom” moral outrage soon rained down on the hapless museum management.

The Bangkok Post newspaper quoted German Ambassador Hanns Schumacher as saying he told officials in Pattaya, “this kind of utterly tasteless advertisement would hurt the feelings of many people” and asked that the billboard be taken down.

Israeli Ambassador Itzhak Shoham also was quoted saying he requested the same. “It is totally unacceptable to have such a monster like Adolf Hitler on public display,” he told the Post. “How this could happen is beyond my understanding and comprehension.”

It has to be recognised that the use of Nazi imagery has not got the same emotional impact in South East Asia as it does in Jerusalem and Berlin, in fact, the Thai’s have used swastika’s, images of Hitler and even allowed a Nazi Bar to be opened in Bangkok. (The walls of which were adorned with pictures of storm troopers and waiters dressed in jack boots with Nazi armbands.)

Probably the best was an add campaign for crisps had Hitler giving a Nazi salute and then showed a Thai woman who cast a spell on him as he ate the salted morsels, hoping to change his evil ways. A Nazi swastika morphed into the product logo as the transformation was complete.

That advert did not last long. The Nazi Bar had to change it’s name to “No Name Bar” after the wrath of anti Semitism got involved. And what of the Waxworks… although they apologised it seems that the exposure that Adolf gave them worldwide was worth far more than the original advertising campaign originally envisaged.



I wonder if the whole thing had been planned that way?

One step forward, two steps backward! A "Touching Story"

Laws are in place, Child Protection is among the governments main concerns and despite years of progress Indonesia once again proves that "it don't mean shit"!

As reported in the Jakarta Globe today!

A Central Java court on Tuesday threw out child abuse charges against self-proclaimed Islamic cleric Sheikh Puji over his marriage to a 12-year-old girl.

Ungaran District Court Chief Judge Hari Mulyanto delivered a preliminary ruling in the case stating that the “indictment regarding sexual intercourse is invalid because it is inaccurate, unclear and incomplete.”

A preliminary ruling decides whether a case has met all the requirements to proceed to trial. An inaccurate, unclear and incomplete indictment is sufficient grounds to drop a case.

Hari said the prosecution had failed to detail how and when the defendant had committed the acts for which he had been accused.

Novel Al Bakrie, a member of the defense team, claimed that the 12-year-old girl, who became Puji’s second wife in August 2008, was “not a victim” and that she “loves” Puji.

Puji, 43, whose real name is Pujiantocahyo Widianto, was charged under the Child Protection Law for allegedly “persuading a child to have sex and/or taking advantage of a person’s economic condition for his or her own benefit,” and under the 1974 Marriage Law for marrying a minor.

Prosecutors said they would refile the charges but did not say when this would happen.

Now, the way I see it is that the normal procedure would be to have Social Services (such as they are here), the Police (along with child welfare trained officers) investigate to ensure compliance both the with the National Child Protection Law as well as the four principles of the UN’s Convention on the Rights of the Child which Indonesia has signed.

In a nutshell these are:

1) Non-discrimination.
2) Best interests of the child.
3) The right to live, grow and develop.
4) The right to participate.

So, theoretically although legal protection from exploitation, violence and abuse is in place the onus is now on the Police and Prosecutor to ensure that the case filed which accuses sexual intercourse with a minor must be accurate, clear and complete. In this case, it appears that the hymen stained bedsheet (preferably signed and dated) is required as evidence before the judges would commit to a full trial. It is also worth noting that the Sheik was assisted in this case by a Lawyer who includes Tommy Suharto, (the former president's son)among his clients, thus, it seem's that the big guns were out on display here. (Wonder how much that cost?)

Emm, Err WTF!

Sheik Puji however has a substantial local following, which is thankfully not supported by the moderate Muslim Clerics in Central Java who basically claim that he is a charlatan with no formal religious training and should not be allowed to run the schools he does as he is not recognised in any formal sense as a cleric.

Did the girl's family help, emm, err, not a chance! The Child's father was arrested on charges of "selling his daughter" but suffered a convenient mental breakdown prohibiting him from testifying.His defence was that she had reached puberty and the Koran allows him to accept any proposal for marriage that he deems acceptable.

So there you have it....either a hurdle on the road to full child protection or a dangerous precedent which could set the country back decades!

I know which one I hope it is!

What can your government do for you?

Taken from today's Jakarta Post online. Not bad considering they had only been on the job for less than 48 hours after inauguration. The new laws that are to be ratified over the next few years should be interesting!

Shake Rattle and Roll

Earthquake season is upon us, three earthquakes in two days in Sumatra with sceptics starting to say that a "biggie" is on it's way! Meanwhile in Sulawesi two earthquakes struck yesterday.

On Wednesday September the 2nd a large 7.3-magnitude earthquake struck West Java, this one caused quite a panic in Jakarta and was quickly followed by two aftershocks, measuring 5.1 and 5.4 within a few hours.

I had been in a watering hole in Kemang (a fashionable suburb of Jakarta as I am told) and never having encountered an earthquake before was at first unsure what was going on.

Was this the fabled flash-backs that Timothy Leary had written about, after effects from 30 years ago while experimenting with psychedelic's, apparently not when I realised that the pictures on the walls were swaying and the floor below me felt like jelly.

Out in the carpark, watching a building site next door I saw the guy from the tower crane which was about 14 stories high perform the quickest emergency evacuation ever while the 6 tons of counterweight on the cranes jib moved dangerously from side to side.

Realising through simple trigonometry that where I was standing was just about where the crane would fall if it were to let loose I decided that perhaps I was safer indoors with a beer rather than exposed to danger in the car park.



Yesterday's quake in Padang is thought to have killed over a thousand people, but, as has been demonstrated before, this initial number is likely to increase exponentially due to the difficulties in assessing exactly how many people live in any given area.

I really don't think my tinfoil hat will protect me when the next one shakes up on us!

Terrorist my arse!

I don't know why, but, it seems that the government needed to de-construct the myths surrounding Noordin Top, the terrorist mastermind who was killed during a raid in Central Java last month.

Obviously Forensic Scientists were obliged to study the body to ensure that it was in fact him who had been shot, but the latest news has made me question how far a forensic examination will go in search of the truth.

Here is the report!

“There is an anomaly in Noordin’s anus because it is shaped like a funnel,” said Mun’im Idris, a forensic pathologist from the University of Indonesia. “It indicated that somebody had sodomized him.”

Mun’im was part of the team of experts that conducted the autopsy on the body of Noordin, a Malaysian-born terrorist sought for a string of attacks carried out across the country in the name of Islam.

It is unclear why Mun’im released the information. A photograph was released to substantiate this information.



It appears that this information has caused speculation on Noordin’s “sexual deviance” and it is also thought that there may be a backlash from supporters and extremists within the Muslim community that supported Noordin and his supporters. (I am currently smirking trying to imagine what their protest banners may look like.)

Separately, a national Police spokesman said he had no information about the allegations.

“I haven’t received the report about the anomaly on Noordin’s body because it is not a part of the investigation, however, we always knew he was an arsehole”

It now brings into question as to whether he had met a former Prime Minister while he lived in Malaysia. State sponsored terrorism anyone?

When is a chicken not a chicken.

The Bugils Group owns a number of good bars here in Jakarta and truth be told I frequent two of them on a regular basis.

I am apparently well known in De Hooi and Eastern Promise, an irregular visitor to Cazbar but, unknown in the One Tree bar in Block M.

Block M, or more specifically Jalan Faletehan, the street One Tree Bar and many others are situated in has a reputation for friendliness which can be purchased, the purveyors of such affection are known as "Ayam" (Chickens) and they contribute a great deal to the street's popularity.

One Tree Bar has until now been Ayam free but, it appears that may no longer be the case. The bars latest promotion had me scratching my head......



However, in fairness they do operate under an equal opportunities programme which forbids sexual discrimination. I am sure that Monday nights in One Tree must be a delight for us straights and rugmunchers alike!

Poaching for beginners

Poaching has never been so easy. No need to get into the jungle, set traps, avoid conservation officers or any of the real “poaching stuff” .

The new method is simple, a bit like buying a TV Dinner instead of cooking, the cunning plan, get your animal fresh from the zoo.

Police in the believe that it was an inside job questioned the vet and five other workers from the Taman Rimbo zoo in the town of Jambi in Sumatra after its Sumatran tiger was killed early on Saturday.

Detectives suspected the thieves poisoned the female tiger, and slaughtered her in the wee hours when the zoo was almost unguarded.

The police found remnants of meat bait that contained anaesthetics and intestinal parts of the protected animal in her cage. It was also thought that the tigress did not attack as she knew the intruders.

It appears that the cage had been left unlocked to allow zoo workers to feed the tiger, which had been settled in the zoo for 20 years since its birth at Ragunan zoo in Jakarta.

Obviously the recession is biting deep in Sumatra......